“I’m not a good dancer”, she cried as soon as got down from the school bus.
“How do you know that?” I asked.
“I just know it….”
“But how?” I asked again.
“Mumma I know it….I’m not selected for the Independence Day Dance program. That means I’m not a good dancer” she replied.
I was surprised at the way her mind interpreted the event. Yes, not getting selected for the program was just an event, but my nine-year old daughter successfully attached a meaning to that event. Once our brain starts to attach meanings to events, we become expert at spinning stories. Some of the most common stories are-
‘I’m not beautiful’
‘I’m not good enough’
‘I’m not a creative person’
‘I’m an angry/shy/hyper person’
‘I always attract the wrong person’
‘I will never find the love of my life’
These statements are nothing but stories that we keep telling ourselves. Few years ago as a working mother, I faced situations when office priorities took over. One thing I observed during that phase was, there was this continuous internal chatter that went on something like this-
‘You’re an unfit mother.’
‘Your daughter will not respect you.’
‘How can you be so selfish?’
If you’ve watched my video, you will know that I was brought up believing the story that ‘I was unlucky’ and gradually the events in my life unfolded in a way that I started living my story of ill luck.
The internal chatter that keeps happening is nothing but fictionalised stories of real events. In today’s post I want to show you a technique to decode these stories that you tell yourself.
First write down the story that you’re telling yourself. Let’s take the example of my daughter. ‘I’m not a good dancer’ and the next one, ‘I’m an unfit mother’
Let’s decode it.
If you were you look back at your life, you’ll observe there are many such stories that you keep telling yourself, repeatedly. Unconsciously, each story that you’re narrating slowly becomes the reality that you start living in. Let us decode some more examples.
Tonight before going to sleep, I want you to think about the stories that you’re telling yourself. When you become aware of those, write them down, just the way I’ve done it by separating the event and the meaning. Leave a reply in the comments section and tomorrow I will show you a technique to rewrite your inner narrative, to lead an empowering life.
So what’s the story you’re telling yourself?
Love and Gratitude,
Gayu
I remember crying for probably a whole day when I was not selected for a dance program. I must have been in the 2nd or 3rd std. And then later I was chosen again and I remember how thrilled I was!
I will do the exercise you have set. Am waiting to hear about the re-writing!
Have posted the rewriting post. Do check out. and once you try it, do share your feedback. 🙂 Thanks so much for your continued support Vasu 🙂
I’ve been like that Gayu where you’ve played a part in my struggle and this post reminds me of that time. I do tell myself that I am not good when time wears thick of me but at the same time I say, I am the best. Depression gnaws with complexity of the mind battle often at odd. I will try doing the exercise.
Hugs Vishal. I’m glad that I could help you out 🙂 Do try this technique and share your feedback. This works wonders trust me 🙂 Always remember I’m just a message away 🙂 Take care.
Love and hugs
Gayu
That’s interesting!
It is natural in children as they are yet to understand the ‘meaning’, and how will they get this ‘meaning’ depends on parent’s/teacher’s take (somehow). Of course, some adults are also this immature to think like that. I wonder how do they get this meaning 🙂
These days I am always telling ‘what if’ stories to myself (regarding my first book and my writing), and it makes me nervous. You get it what I’m trying to say? Of course, you do…:) but, I will take it as ‘event’, naturally. 🙂
I can understand what you must be going through at this moment. Feel it…it will eventually pass off. I’m sure it’s gonna be awesome 🙂 Readers are gonna love it 🙂